Lotions, Potions and Creams.

Every lady has a barrage of products which she simply cannot go about daily life without. Mine are vast, but in essence the simplest of products. Here is a run down of my favourite lotions, potions and creams which allow me to look like a normal human being.

Sudocrem has long been my family's go to product for all that ails you. Mosquito bite? Slap some sudocrem on it. Burn? Sudocrem. An unsightly blemish? Ooh er sudocrem. Broken leg? You get the idea. Although the thick, white cream is meant for babies' nappy rash, it can pretty much be used for everything. Quite simply this is my number one product which I will come to time and time again - for every beauty problem.

Moroccan Oil. This is a more recent love of mine, but has quickly become a firm favourite. My mother - scrambling to buy me last minute birthday presents - purchased me this small bottle of amber liquid on a whim. It is in essence the new fizz ease and I love it. You can apply it to damp hair, or after styling and it makes your hair smooth and shiny.

YSL Touche Éclat. "Well hello darling, don't you look radiant this evening!" "Why thank you dearest. I just rolled out of bed - it's entirely natural" Lies. I have slathered my face in expensive YSL products, which make me look like I am bright eyed and very bushy tailed. Excellent.

Rimmel Clear Complexion Powder. If there's one thing that really gets my goat, it's a shiny faced lady. A lovely matt face can only be achieved, for this writer, with regular application of powder foundation. Clear Complexion is rather excellent for de-shining and will leave you looking less like a lady who wears Birkenstocks and ties her hair in a low ponytail...

Philosophy Amazing Grace Fragrance. This is no regular perfume, this is a pure fragrance. One spray of Amazing Grace is enough to leave you feeling like a sophisticated lady, straight from the 1930s, who's dressed for dinner. Yes it's that good. With a faint smell of lilacs this is one of my most favourite smells. The only draw back? People singing at you, when they enquire as to what the scent is.

And last but certainly not least, Chanel Rouge Noir. The undisputed favourite nail colour for decades. I mostly like to wear it then dance around to Chuck Berry, pretending I'm Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.

Not So Weighty Katy Anymore..

For the past couple of weeks my fashion bibles have been taken over by one topic - HRH Kate. Sorry, it's Catherine now right? Anyway. As much as I have enjoyed envying her extensive designer wardrobe - including but not limited to Erdem, Catherine Walker, Alexander McQueen and Issa - and occassional high street apparel, there is a little voice inside my head. What is this voice saying, I hear you ask? Well I shall tell you - She. Is. So. Horiffically. Thin. I promise you, I am not being swayed into thinking this because I look from behind the eyes of a porker. Quite the contrary.

When HRH first came into the public eye, she was a slender and nicely framed

young lady. If not entirely adapet at fashion, having been caught in a sheer dress (shudders dramatically) and pants. Now, I fear if someone does not force feed her some cake in the next 10 minutes, she may be blown off her feet by a surpise up-draft. What bafles me the most is the fact that, to my knowledge, not a single publication has picked up on this. Bar this excellent blog, might I mention. Looking good on the fashion front my dear, but please do go have a nice big lunch. Or at least a few pound-adding cocktails.

God Bless The Maxi Dress and All Its Disciples

It's hot outside - yes I know. Just imagine for me, if you will. You are looking forward to enjoying the sun. But wait! You've remembered that we do in actual fact live in the UK. A country so renowned for it's unpredictable weather, many a comedian 'wittily' uses this fact as comic fodder. So with the possibility of sun, rain, wind, fog and hail stones and in the one day (trust me, it has been known) what do you wear? To that I cry, the maxi dress!

Always on the trend menu for a summer day to night look, the maxi is my new go to outfit when weather can be an issue. From plain to patterned, spaghetti to strapless, jersey to silk and indeed Edinburgh to Cannes, the maxi will take you from plain summer wear to bang-on-trend. Should the weather take a turn for the worse, simply add another layer (and yet another, most likely) and carry on looking fabulous.

H&M do some lovely maxi dresses for penny pinching prices. I myself have partaken in more than a few. A few being at least six. Uh hem. So next time you are standing in your pants in front of your wardrobe screaming profanities, heed to my words of wisdom.